Posts

Showing posts from May, 2010

Day 20...

Sunday, May 30, 2010 Day 20.... Last night here at CHI in Michigan. A bit melancholy mixed with some nerves about taking my program home. Mostly filled with gratitude and excitement. I did a concert here last night for all the people here. I did one the 6th night I was here and it was a hit. So much of a hit that I was asked to do one again. I must say both nights were amazing and lots of people showed for both. It was wonderful to watch the faces of these precious beings as they identified with my writing. I loved knowing it was a break in their day and possibly their life to be soothed by my voice. I felt purposeful. And I also noticed as I was up there singing my brains out how much I LOVE doing just that. Singing my brains out. I love singing. God do I love singing. I love singing. I love being up there with lots of people in front of me singing my very heart out to each and every one of them. I did these concerts because I love what I do. I love singing. They all gave back

Days 18 and 19 ....

Sunday, May 30, 2010 Day 18 and 19..... Well, Michigan is winding down for me. It is Sunday morning here in this beautiful state. Today is day twenty and it is 7:20 in the morning here. I cannot seem to sleep past 6:40 am anymore. I just open my eyes and Whammo... hello day! It doesn't even matter what time I go to sleep, I wake up at 6:40 am. Good thing I'm beginning to get interested in life again since I will be awake for it so early. Friday and Saturday (Day 18 and 19) were good days. I had a lot of emotional and mind clearing on these days. My friend Tom who I speak with on a weekly basis to do "The Work of Byron Katie" made himself generously and massively available to me for these past three weeks. I spoke with him a couple times each week and we went to town doing "The Work." He has been doing this for fifteen years now (maybe more). He has gotten so good at sitting with himself that in my opinion he is now a master at sitting with me. He taug

Day 16 and 17 ....

Catching you up.... Weight Loss... 18 pounds. Blood Sugar.... A.M. 108  -   P.M. 81 Candida.... Still a 6 Ph..... Still a 6.0 Resting heart rate - 80 3 Days left of the deep detoxification cleanse I've been on.  My diabetes has been reversed.  I am still considered in a pre-diabetic state in the morning.  I am sure this will change as I take off the rest of my weight.  I am looking forward to continuing this lifestyle.  I will continue with my healing process for the next couple of months.  My program will not be officially "over" until June 3rd.  I will be doing Monday night - Thursday at my home.  I will be setting up my kitchen.  Learning to shop.  Trying new un-cooked recipes.  And learning to be in my life with a living-raw foods diet. Today is day 18.  I will write more later. xoxo Steph

Day 14 and 15...

I cannot even begin to tell you how relaxed I am right now. I just had one of the best massages of my entire life. No joke. This woman Mindy found places in my trapezius muscles that I didn't know existed. I actually cried after in my room. This detox has been one of the most profound experiences of my life. I don't know that I've ever been so in touch and devoted to self care. Self care and awareness is the gift that never stops giving. It is the gift that allow me to give to you from an authentic place. It is the gift that allows me to give to myself. The vehicle to self care is the body. Body follows mind and the vehicle is the body. The body shows me at any given time how I am thinking about myself and life. The body completely and honestly reflects to me my state of mind. This body is my vehicle to questioning my mind. Questioning all the separation that I believe in so dearly. I can love and set boundaries at the same time. I can love and tell someone no. I can lov

Day 12 and 13 ... Dead in Bed....

Dead in Bed is the name of a book that my twelve year old son is writing.  When he told me yesterday morning that this was the title of his work in progress, I was hoping his answer would be "a comedy" when I asked the question "what kind of book is it?"  Much to my dismay yet curiosity, he answered "a murder mystery of sorts."  Hmmmmm... okay?  It was then I realized my beautiful, innocent, soft and tender baby boy was growing (and at a rapid pace) into a beautiful, not so innocent, soft, sometimes hard, tender, sometimes tough, smart, no holds barred flat out boy.  He is a boy, not even a young boy any more, a boy one year away from being a teenager.  I cannot protect him like I use to be able to.  Sure there are certain ways to hold off some of the harder lessons of life still, but it sure is tricky.  What really drew me to this title however was not his quick minded plot about Al-Qaeda (yes, you read that correctly :o)  But the fact that this is where

Days 10 and 11....

Blood sugar - 90 w/out medication.  (Was well over 300 on medication the night I arrived). Ph balace - 6.6 (Was 5.2 my first day here.  By the way... the lowest number on the kit is 5.5). Weight loss - 14 1/2 lbs. in 8 days. (I haven't weighed in since Tuesday). Candida - Still a 6/7. (I was an 8/9 when I arrived.  The scale is 1-10). Other improvements worth mentioning:  The skin on my legs is soft and supple.  It was dry with little bumps all over it.  Very soft without putting any cream on.  The alligator skin on my upper arms is clearing up.  My teeth are sparkling white.  My rosacea has calmed a bit, still a bit red but very improved.  The aches in my knees have gone.  My lower back pain has completely disappeared.  I have not taken any acid reflux medication in over a week and it has been very minimal.  After I eat I get gassy and my reflux acts up a little bit.  However; it is acting up less and less at every meal.  I should mention that I have been on protonix (a drug

Day 9... I love living raw foods and this is now my lifestyle.

Well, the first ten day program completes tomorrow.  So my first group of friends are shipping out tomorrow.  I will be staying on with my friends Glenda and Adrianne.  Glenda is 79 years old and you'd think she was sixty.  She's a beautiful black woman with salt and pepper hair, mostly pepper and she glows.  She plays the piano and her smile could light up a room.  She will stay on for the month like me.  Adrianne JUST got here last night.  She's very fiery and spunky.  I like her alot.  I think we might become good friends. Then there is me.  I am in detox war.  I'm in "enema's up the wazoo" hell.  Mornings are most difficult for me.  First of all I don't sleep well and I need to find a way to sleep.  I'm drained and tired and cranky.  It also does not help my body to repair itself at night.  My blood sugar was 130 this morning upon waking and although this is low and good, I'm not out of the woods yet.  Bobby seems to think that once I sle

Day 8

Tuesday, May 18, 2010 Hello Friends.. Thank you for all of your lovely comments and massive support. I will be taking a break from writing this morning. This process of releasing dependency on food has been wonderfully intense. Bittersweet. Without food to cope with I find myself flooded with some unfinished business with my past that I feel it is time to make peace with. My heart is heavy today and I am evidence that the body can heal all it needs to and if the mind is not attended to then there will be no peace, no freedom. No physical place in the world, be it Hawii, India, Japan or the physical place of health, beauty, money, sex, food, alcohol, drugs... no physical place in this world can bring peace or freedom to my mind. My mind creates this world I see. And without healing of the mind I am bound to suffer. So here I go inside. I look forward to telling you all about it when I come out. A brief update... my body is healing. My blood sugar was 98 last night!!! Holy Crapoli

Even Though.....

I have a good life. I have an amazing son who is developing and growing more miraculously than I'd ever dreamed he would.  I take little credit.  He is his own grower.  Even though most of the time my mind tells me I am personally responsible for nearly everything that comes out of that beautiful little mouth of his, that I am accountable for all the movements he makes and choices he pursues, even though this mind has staked my life on a one way silent agreement with God that he live a long, healthy and prosperous life... even though... he has his own path, his own way to make, his own thoughts.  He is his own grower. I have a good life. I have a roof over my head, money to pay my bills, a plethora of friends and love and family.  I have a voice that sings, music in my heart, food in my belly...   and my body - albeit very slow - is healing up nicely. I have a good life. I can see and hear and my limbs work fine.  I can sit then stand I can breathe then hold my breath.  I
"As children bring their toys to us with tears for us to mend. I brought my broken dreams to God because He was my friend. And then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone. I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own. At last I snatched them back and said "how could you be so slow!?" "My child" He said "what could i do?  You never did let go." - Anonymous Boy that dude "Anonymous" wrote alot of things!!  I see his/her name everywhere.  Has anyone ever met anonymous?  If you do run into him/her tell whoever it is I said good job!!  Man do they come up with the greatest stuff.  A little egocentric going by only one name and all, but egocentric with good reason.. he/she is so dam creative, really, what a writer! This poem by "Anonymous" is me in a nutshell.  Anonymous must know me because this poem was written for me.  I really cannot take my hands off things.  I'm so arrogant that way.  I think my pa

Day 5... Holy Crapoli....

Too tired to write too much tonight so I'll just briefly update you.  My ph balance has gone from 5.2 to 6.2 in 5 days.  Holy crapoli.  Tonight .. 2 hours after eating "dessert"... a sweet lemon bar ... all raw made of almonds and soaked oatmeal and majool dates and lemon topped with banana slices, my blood sugar was 146 still no medication!!!  Holy Crapoli.  We had pasta with pesto and salad with that curry dressing for lunch... Holy crapoli.  We learned how to cut and juice wheatgrass and I sucked at it... Holy crapoli.  I came here because I sometimes believe that life is all about the body.  That as soon as I get healthy and thin and beautiful again, life will be smooth and good because as I said... it's all about the body and yet... even though this body knows what it's doing... even though it is healing as I give it major support.. I still suffer.... Holy crapoli.  It's about this mind afterall.  No wheat grass drink or energy soup or raw living foods di

Day 4.... The pipes are better than ever...

So I'm through another day.  I must say, I feel really good.  Still some cleansing going on, but mostly just emotional stuff here and there.  The energy blended soup and the wheat grass are getting easier, still tough to get down though, although I don't feel the urge to barf it up anymore.  I am not sure why living raw foods is not our worlds way of eating.  The meals I am eating are way better than any cooked foods I have ever eaten in my life (Well, with the exception of one of my very best friends in the world who happens to own a remarkable little place called Haven Cafe and Bakery in Lenox, MA if you're ever in town!)  Besides her brilliant cooking and I do mean brilliant, this is the BEST food I have ever tasted.  It's amazing.  And easy.  I mean, blending, dehydrating, food processor, I have all of these at home.  It's remarkable.  And on top of it all, I ate a HUGE dinner.  I had a humungous salas with tomatoes, sprouts, cucs, and the greenest lettuce you&#

Day 3 Mission accomplished....

Went off all meds today.  My blood sugar has dropped considerably and I've lost 7 pounds since Tuesday.  This progam is very intense and worth every minute.  It's teaching me more than nutrition, it's teaching me self love, self discipline (from a tough and loving place) and it's teaching me self acceptance.  I have a long way to go with all of these lessons, but I have left the start line.  Houston.. there's not more problem. I am still detoxing in a very intense way.  My rosacea is still very much here.. although my face has calmed down quite a bit tonight.  The enemas are much easier and today I had a colonic.  My brain feels foggy.  My lungs hurt when I breathe and I have many aches and pains.  My feet hurt sometimes too right now. I don't miss my drug of choice at all.  I don't miss the heavy crap that I was infesting myself with.  I haven't been hungry once since I've gotten here... well that's not true actuall, I was hungry once so I d

Tired...

Too tired to write tonight.  What a day.  Rosacea from a taxed and now cleansing liver.  I did the Work of Byron Katie ALOT today.  Noticing all my thoughts and stories that keep me in my addiction.  This body knows how to heal.  It's on it's way.  It's my mind I continue to question. I got through all of my enemas and cleansing today. Dinner was much easier to get down.  My face is burning up red as I write this so I am going to listen to this body.  I will stop trying to connect with you my phanton friends.  I will trust our connection, I will know it's there even when I'm not writing to you.  I will listen to this body now.  I am going to put a cold cloth on this face and watch a movie in bed while sipping warm water. Until tomorrow.. much love xoxoxo  Steph

Day 2 - Catch ya' on the rebound....

If last week anyone ever said to me "uh by the way Steph at 6:30 am next Wednesday May 12th you will be out of bed ferociously jumping on a rebounder (mini-trampolline)" I would stopped breathing from the amount of laughter that hurled out of me while I was rolling on the floor holding my gut.  No joke.  And yet, here I was doing this very thing.  I had my first lesson of the day.. "Life is what's happening while I'm making plans". As I felt the ripple effect of my belly hitting my upper thighs while jumping on this rebounder, I was looking for Bobby.  He's our leader this week.  What a beautiful soul this man is, so loving and committed to this journey of healing the very sick bodies, sometimes life threatening, that seek him out.  Where is Bobby?  This is what my virgoan, rigid mind was chanting "where's Bobby?  Where's Bobby"?  I hadn't noticed that this body was jumping up and down with a big smile on it's face while canoo

Day One... Dare I say I made it through?

I'm doing a 21 day reverse diabetes progam in Michigan.  I will be blogging my experience througout my journey.  It will be candid and raw and truthful.  And as I've learned by now, truth always changes. Day One.. 3 bowls of energy soup 2 shots of wheatgrass Lots and lots of water An orange wtf? I was in such a good mood when I woke up this morning.  Then suddenly, I wasn't. The first shot of wheatgrass was okay.  I was creating a new relationship with this body that I think is me.  "I love you, thank you, I trust you" I said to "it" (the body).  Do yo' thang body!  I watched myself as I relaxed into the cosmic truth that there is nothing for me to do.  This neutral, nothing body knows how to reset itself to homeostasis.  It just knows.  Since I think I am the doer, I think I must prepare for this.  It's kind of like what Ron said today.. As this body grows a baby, do I have to keep my eyes and ears on the process?  For nine months a