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Showing posts from June, 2010

Love

I should tell myself that I love myself when I find victory.  When I have succeeded and done a good job.  When I am in alignment with life, when I have been kind, honest and loyal, I should tell myelf that I love myself.  And when I have failed... when I have been sloppy, messy, unpredictable and unprepared.  When I have made a mess out of life, my mind and my relationships... I should tell my self I love myself even more. My food continues to be on track.  I have lost 55 lbs. total.  My blood sugar has been a little up and down, but still I have no diabetes.  Even when it's a little up it is not in diabetic range and I know exactly what to do to correct that.  Candida is almost gone.  PH is still lingering at about 6.5.  My heart rate resting at 76.  I am dancing again!  I move my body often.  I intend to start running again in the not too distant future.  For now I dance, walk and rebound. My EED (Egoic Eating Disorder)  takes me hostage now and again still, but I am so privv

Human....

hu·man   /ˈhyumən or, often, ˈyu‐/ Show Spelled[hyoo-muhn or, often, yoo‐] Show IPA –adjective 1. of, pertaining to, characteristic of, or having the nature of people: human frailty. 2. consisting of people: the human race. 3. of or pertaining to the social aspect of people: human affairs. 4. sympathetic; humane: a warmly human understanding. –noun 5. a human being. Origin: 1350–1400; earlier humain(e) , humayn(e), ME < MF humain < L hūmānus, akin to homō human being ( cf. Homo); sp. human predominant from early 18th cent. This is it.  This is all dictionary.com says about the definintion of "human".  My Webster's II pocket dictionary says the same thing.  Hold on, I'm going to go check the Merriam-Webster Collegiate dictionary, certainly they must have a deeper meaning to this vague word... A little better... they have all the same definitions of the previous two I've listed and then this one: human: b: susceptible to or representative of the

Why oh Why?

ob·sess/əbˈsɛs/ Show Spelled[uhb-ses] Show IPA –verb (used with object) 1. to dominate or preoccupy the thoughts, feelings, or desires of (a person); beset, trouble, or haunt persistently or abnormally: Suspicion obsessed him. What is up with the ego?  What is so difficult about being in the present moment?  Commitment to separation. 

I am loved because of what this body looks like.

How's that for a concept? "I am loved because of what this body looks like." "I deserve love and relationship only when this body looks thin and lean." "My complete and utter worth is based on the condition of this body." Wow. I'll say it backwards... wow. I have now been living my new lifestyle for 35 days. But whose freakin' counting? I love my new life. Even the glitches, the karma that is catching up with me. The residue of the old way of living. I even love that. It is challenging me to see things differently. I screwed up my fastlane account with all the travelling I did. I gave them the wrong credit card number and I got a notice in the mail charging me $150 to correct this. I didn't care. I smiled and thought "oh well." A couple other things have happened like this .. you know a month away, travel, things don't go so smooth when you have given up the role of making everything perfect. And I smile and think "oh

Days 21 thru 25 .... Yes it's over.

Perfect song for my food addiction: "Yes it's over, call it a day. Sorry that we had to end this way. No reason to pretend, we knew it had to end someday this way...." It's over. I don't need it anymore. It's not because I went and did a raw living foods program... I mean that's part of it, this process certainly has helped me to understand what it means to nurture and care for this body. It' my mind that no longer needs to stuff myself silly though. It's been 25 days since I've used food as a coping mechanism. I'm talking 25 days without torture that is. Oh sure, I've white knuckled it hundreds of times in my life, no joke. But it's been 25 days of not white knuckling it.  No torture regarding food.  I've had years upon years of yo-yo dieting. Years upon years of deciding one night that I will try a new diet and feeling the absolute high of the fantasy of "getting thin".  FINALLY looking in a way that will hav