Steph Campbell

             I sat in church unable to cry the day after the funeral.     The church was empty, and I sat, three pews back, staring up at the 12-foot hanging crucifix and following the details of this statue with my eyes.   I gazed for what seemed like hours at the thorns digging into Jesus’s skull, the drops of blood running down his calm face, the cloth sheath that only covered his genitals.   I noticed the forgiveness in the eyes of this man-made sculpture.   I wished I could talk to Jesus in that moment because I had so many questions to ask him.   Earlier that morning my Mother asked me to go to the store and get some milk.   She told me to grab five dollars from her purse.   As I shuffled through the papers and such I came across the letter I wrote to Dad, unopened and forgotten.   I flipped out; this was my only means of saving him last week.   The letter clearly told him to...

It’s the ninth day of the vipassana retreat. I have spoken no words, made no eye contact, nor have I so much as touched another living soul. I have sat still with the sensations in this body.   I have learned to visit the tightness in my neck and legs and be with it as it is not as I’d like it to be.   I take off the generous clothes that have   embraced me all day and slip into my favorite pink-and-white flowered nightgown faded and torn.   I gather my toothbrush and face wash, stored in my stark, barren single bed room, and I walk across the hallway to the bathroom.   There I prepare to retire for the evening.   It has been a long journey, worth it none-the-less. I look in the mirror and there she is.   The face I have seen reflected back to me for the past 41 years.   Ever changing, growing older for sure, but the same eyes staring back at me, the same soul.   I am humble and my ego is on sabbatical. I take the rubber band out of my hair a...

Stuffing Myself Silly - The Story of a Food Junkie: "These Kinds Of Days" : I've been stuffing myself silly again.  Yes, it it true. Food is a way of both punishment AND pleasure for me. I have watched and lear...

I've been stuffing myself silly again.  Yes, it it true. Food is a way of both punishment AND pleasure for me. I have watched and learned of all the ways it is punishment and pain. I am currently living these results. I was not so aware of the immense pleasure that I use it for as a substitute for life, beauty and joy. And is seems to have certainly gone awry. Love and joy gone awry. I haven’t stopped eating badly. But I have added some raw foods again. I don’t want to sugarcoat (pardon the pun) my current process however; so I would like to just say a bit about how I have seen me use it as pleasure. I am bored off my fucking rocker here! I hate it here! I have been people pleasing and adjusting and complying with and for other people my entire life. Most recently - and I mean recent like the last fifteen fucking years – has been my ex.   He has just pulled another massive, violating act of control and smug arrogance on me.  I will spa...