The world will tell you who you are until you tell the world....
Isn't that a great line "The world will tell you who you are until you tell the world." I just watched a made for television movie called To Be Fat Like Me. What a poignant movie.
The synopsis is:
Pretty, popular, and slim high-schooler Aly Schimdt had plans of earning a sports scholarship to college but a knee injury ruins her chances. She decides to team up with a haughty girl and enter a documentary contest in the hopes of winning money for college. Subject is obesity, like her smarter kid brother Adam and their mother, due to an eating disorder. She believes that overweight people, like her mom and brother, seem to make excuses about how the world perceives them. Alyson masquerades in a secret camera-equipped fat suit at a rival summer school, thus befriending two nice, on 'aesthetic' ground rather unpopular nerds.. Aly intends and hopes to prove that personality will outshine physical appearance. But when she's met with ridicule, harassment, and name-calling she begins to see things differently. - Written by KGF Vissers
I found myself completely engaged in this story. Listening intenty for all the in's and out's of "WHY" I punish myself for being overweight and "WHY" people are so judgmental of fat people, including me! Why am I so judgmental? It was as if I was on the brink of cracking "the" proverbial code. There's a code to crack, is that true?
This movie was a beautiful projection of how the core of all of our suffering is the identification with body. I think and believe the thought that I am this body. And when I believe that thought.. I want out.
As you read this next part you should know that it took me a very long time to do. The work is meditation and I sat and closed my eyes after each question. I sat and went deeper and deeper into what truth is.
I am this body, is that true? Yes.
Can I absolutely know it's true that I am this body? For sure, certain and no doubt that I am this body? No.
How do I react when I believe the thought "I am this body"? Everything I do becomes contingent upon this body. I could be feeling good and then I look in the mirror and see "this body" that is "fat". And I get depressed and usually stuff my face. I hide out in my house so that nobody see's this body. I judge people and relate to them like they are only their body. I make up abusive stories like I am not as lovable as someone who looks like I believe a body should look. I believe in death so this really throws me into a spriral because bodies just don't make it. They get cancer and colds and they get fat and skinny and old and saggy and when I believe this is all there is to me, I get very scared, terrified even. I don't have sex because I don't want anyone to see this body naked. I don't date because I don't believe this body is "dateable". I feel this stress of this thought in my stomach and heart area. I eat to comfort and soothe these thoughts. I put myself on all kinds of radical diets throughout the years to change and fixe this body to make me lovable.
Who would I be without the thought "I am this body?" Completely free and I would do whatever I wanted to do with complete abandon and freedom. I would be present and happy.
Turn "I am this body" around:
1. "I am not this body". Examples:
a. I can close my eyes right now and live my day from right where I am sitting. I can go to my kitchen and I see my body there in my minds eye. I can drive to the bank, go to my son's soccer game and I can do all this without this body moving one inch. I can have a whole life in my mind without ever moving this body.
b. I have no proof whatsover that when this body dies whoever "I" am dies with it. I just don't have that evidence. As a matter of fact if I were really going to look for evidence there is contrary evidence to this.
c. I have had many phone relationships with clients and people who have never met me. They loved and adored me just for the conversation. This had nothing to do with my body.
d. I don't do anything to have this body live. I don't remind my heart to beat, I don't breathe me. I don't remind myself to go to the bathroom. This body does what it does with no help from me.
The only other turn around I can see is:
2. I think I am this body.
This is true. Everything I do starts with a thought. I think myself into thinking I am this body every day.
I think today I will notice all the arrogance I walk with daily. How dare I not wonder if something is true? Who do I think I am?? There is that word again.. THINK.
Think, think, think, think, think, think.
I am only a chapter away from finishing my book. Please send me "finish up your book energy".
Love Steph
The synopsis is:
Pretty, popular, and slim high-schooler Aly Schimdt had plans of earning a sports scholarship to college but a knee injury ruins her chances. She decides to team up with a haughty girl and enter a documentary contest in the hopes of winning money for college. Subject is obesity, like her smarter kid brother Adam and their mother, due to an eating disorder. She believes that overweight people, like her mom and brother, seem to make excuses about how the world perceives them. Alyson masquerades in a secret camera-equipped fat suit at a rival summer school, thus befriending two nice, on 'aesthetic' ground rather unpopular nerds.. Aly intends and hopes to prove that personality will outshine physical appearance. But when she's met with ridicule, harassment, and name-calling she begins to see things differently. - Written by KGF Vissers
I found myself completely engaged in this story. Listening intenty for all the in's and out's of "WHY" I punish myself for being overweight and "WHY" people are so judgmental of fat people, including me! Why am I so judgmental? It was as if I was on the brink of cracking "the" proverbial code. There's a code to crack, is that true?
This movie was a beautiful projection of how the core of all of our suffering is the identification with body. I think and believe the thought that I am this body. And when I believe that thought.. I want out.
As you read this next part you should know that it took me a very long time to do. The work is meditation and I sat and closed my eyes after each question. I sat and went deeper and deeper into what truth is.
I am this body, is that true? Yes.
Can I absolutely know it's true that I am this body? For sure, certain and no doubt that I am this body? No.
How do I react when I believe the thought "I am this body"? Everything I do becomes contingent upon this body. I could be feeling good and then I look in the mirror and see "this body" that is "fat". And I get depressed and usually stuff my face. I hide out in my house so that nobody see's this body. I judge people and relate to them like they are only their body. I make up abusive stories like I am not as lovable as someone who looks like I believe a body should look. I believe in death so this really throws me into a spriral because bodies just don't make it. They get cancer and colds and they get fat and skinny and old and saggy and when I believe this is all there is to me, I get very scared, terrified even. I don't have sex because I don't want anyone to see this body naked. I don't date because I don't believe this body is "dateable". I feel this stress of this thought in my stomach and heart area. I eat to comfort and soothe these thoughts. I put myself on all kinds of radical diets throughout the years to change and fixe this body to make me lovable.
Who would I be without the thought "I am this body?" Completely free and I would do whatever I wanted to do with complete abandon and freedom. I would be present and happy.
Turn "I am this body" around:
1. "I am not this body". Examples:
a. I can close my eyes right now and live my day from right where I am sitting. I can go to my kitchen and I see my body there in my minds eye. I can drive to the bank, go to my son's soccer game and I can do all this without this body moving one inch. I can have a whole life in my mind without ever moving this body.
b. I have no proof whatsover that when this body dies whoever "I" am dies with it. I just don't have that evidence. As a matter of fact if I were really going to look for evidence there is contrary evidence to this.
c. I have had many phone relationships with clients and people who have never met me. They loved and adored me just for the conversation. This had nothing to do with my body.
d. I don't do anything to have this body live. I don't remind my heart to beat, I don't breathe me. I don't remind myself to go to the bathroom. This body does what it does with no help from me.
The only other turn around I can see is:
2. I think I am this body.
This is true. Everything I do starts with a thought. I think myself into thinking I am this body every day.
I think today I will notice all the arrogance I walk with daily. How dare I not wonder if something is true? Who do I think I am?? There is that word again.. THINK.
Think, think, think, think, think, think.
I am only a chapter away from finishing my book. Please send me "finish up your book energy".
Love Steph
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