Excerpt from Chapter Five of my upcoming book "Stuffing Myself Silly: The Story of a Food Junkie"

Chapter Five

But My Belly Gets Cold When I Sit in the Tub  

“When asked what he wanted from life, he said, I'll start with a written apology.” - B. Tier

“Steph, you have a homework assignment this week,” said my therapist.  “We want to work on changing your relationship with food by creating some new coping skills.  We’re going to do this by changing some of your behaviors.  Go and think about things you can use, other than food, to soothe yourself.  Jot down some tools you can have on hand to self-soothe in the middle of intense feelings.  Think of something that is healthier and more productive than food.  A bath perhaps.” 

Well, I thought. I contemplated and I researched.  I went back the next week and told her, “Kate, there’s nothing.  I cannot find one thing that works better than food.  Food is it.  I’m not trying to be difficult, it’s just the way it is for me.” 

But just to test it out I took a friggin’ bath and guess what?  I barely fit!  I had three mountains in front of me: my breasts and my Mount Rushmore – like belly.  And it was cold.  My belly was cold.  My body was submerged in the water, except for my freezing cold belly.  It wasn’t fun or self-soothing.  Would you be “soothed” if you felt like a canned sardine in your bathtub?  No, you’d be reminded that you were really fat.  Then you might eat a Big Mac to “soothe” yourself, like I did.  The moral of this story is that behavior modification is crap, period.  It’s like putting a Band-Aid on a piece of shit.  It’s still shit and it still stinks.