Back On Track?
I'm starting this blog tonight. I know I can learn to listen keenly to myself and do what's right for this body. I know I can reverse every health issue I have... what are they? Are you ready? Fugetaboutit! I'll tell you after I reverse them. My mind isn't strong enough to take the judgement, so I'll keep that part to myself until I feel ready to hear the crap that comes along with the decline of the body. We're all so damn attached to this flesh.. at least I am, for now. I am going to write about my process of healing every day until I don't anymore. I have been having a hard time losing weight.. I will tell you this, I have insulin resistance and it has been a mofo to lose a lb. Although I have lost 8 lbs in 7 weeks and 30 since last October. I have also gained 2 lbs. of muscle.. slow maybe.. but moving in the right direction. I sometimes want it gone now! I have about 120 lbs. to lose. That's right, you heard me, 120 lbs. And guess what, oh yes, I'm going to do it. Without surgery and without condemning my beautiful jiggle fat that I have a love hate relationship with. I will speak more about my fat and body and relationship to it as I continue writing about this process. For now, suffice it to say this weight will come off with love not hate. I will not hate myself for one more minute because I am "fat". No way, no how.
Well, I had my weekly session this week with Tom. He is my dear friend who is a certified facilitator of "The Work of Byron Katie"... for more info on this process go to http://www.thework.com/. Every week like clockwork, I meet on the phone with Tom.. it sometimes feels like my lifeline to sanity.
I was home for 12 days with my son visiting my family whom I love with all my heart. I seem to slip back to old patterns at home though. I have been following my new lifestyle impecably for a while now and I just STOP when I go home. I walk back into my history and suddlenly feel like the insecure girl in middle school who cut her own hair (mullet style!) and learned to wear sarcastic humor like a cozy fleece blanket. The first few days were okay.. drank my protein powder with blueberries. Ate my veggies, did my practice every morning, read my Course in Miracles and then BAM the lights went out. M&M's, ice cream, pizza, Wendy's.. you name it I wanted to bathe in it! The miracle is I still did my shakes and snuck in an apple or two.. I even managed to lose a pound, don't ask me how (if it ain't broke..). I love being with my family, but I haven't learned how to be there and live my new way at the same time just yet.
So here I am back home. Funny that word "home". It's like I got into my Honda Element and drove 200 miles and I tell myself the story I am home. Like these four walls and my blue reclyiner mean I'm home? Where is home? Seems to me like home should be wherever I am. Maybe this concept would stop the pedulum from swinging so far left then right. As Katie would say "I'd drop the maybe". Perhaps if home became wherever my feet were I might not want to anesthisize with junk food and midnight comfort snacks when I drove my home to my family's home for twelve days.
I got my test results back today. My tryglicerides have dropped 179 points. I am not going to tell you what they are because I don't want to hear you say "huuuuuhhhh... what the ?????" Even though I wouldn't be able to hear you because this is a friggin' blog". So if I can't hear you say that.. but I did in fact hear it somewhere.. where did it come from??? Oh.. I guess it's me who thinks that.. What the fugats??? I know what I need to do next. Tomorrow morning I am adding green smoothies to my food plan. My body needs some greens. I am also going to get off my beautiful yet chubby buttocks and "do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight...".. okay, so I'll probably only do the first part of that little jingle, but none the less, that will be enough to get back on the horse. If the other part of the jingle presents itself.. I'm open.
Smoothies, food plan and dance. Not a bad day. To be continued.
Well, I had my weekly session this week with Tom. He is my dear friend who is a certified facilitator of "The Work of Byron Katie"... for more info on this process go to http://www.thework.com/. Every week like clockwork, I meet on the phone with Tom.. it sometimes feels like my lifeline to sanity.
I was home for 12 days with my son visiting my family whom I love with all my heart. I seem to slip back to old patterns at home though. I have been following my new lifestyle impecably for a while now and I just STOP when I go home. I walk back into my history and suddlenly feel like the insecure girl in middle school who cut her own hair (mullet style!) and learned to wear sarcastic humor like a cozy fleece blanket. The first few days were okay.. drank my protein powder with blueberries. Ate my veggies, did my practice every morning, read my Course in Miracles and then BAM the lights went out. M&M's, ice cream, pizza, Wendy's.. you name it I wanted to bathe in it! The miracle is I still did my shakes and snuck in an apple or two.. I even managed to lose a pound, don't ask me how (if it ain't broke..). I love being with my family, but I haven't learned how to be there and live my new way at the same time just yet.
So here I am back home. Funny that word "home". It's like I got into my Honda Element and drove 200 miles and I tell myself the story I am home. Like these four walls and my blue reclyiner mean I'm home? Where is home? Seems to me like home should be wherever I am. Maybe this concept would stop the pedulum from swinging so far left then right. As Katie would say "I'd drop the maybe". Perhaps if home became wherever my feet were I might not want to anesthisize with junk food and midnight comfort snacks when I drove my home to my family's home for twelve days.
I got my test results back today. My tryglicerides have dropped 179 points. I am not going to tell you what they are because I don't want to hear you say "huuuuuhhhh... what the ?????" Even though I wouldn't be able to hear you because this is a friggin' blog". So if I can't hear you say that.. but I did in fact hear it somewhere.. where did it come from??? Oh.. I guess it's me who thinks that.. What the fugats??? I know what I need to do next. Tomorrow morning I am adding green smoothies to my food plan. My body needs some greens. I am also going to get off my beautiful yet chubby buttocks and "do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight...".. okay, so I'll probably only do the first part of that little jingle, but none the less, that will be enough to get back on the horse. If the other part of the jingle presents itself.. I'm open.
Smoothies, food plan and dance. Not a bad day. To be continued.
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