Day 14 and 15...
I cannot even begin to tell you how relaxed I am right now. I just had one of the best massages of my entire life. No joke. This woman Mindy found places in my trapezius muscles that I didn't know existed. I actually cried after in my room. This detox has been one of the most profound experiences of my life. I don't know that I've ever been so in touch and devoted to self care. Self care and awareness is the gift that never stops giving. It is the gift that allow me to give to you from an authentic place. It is the gift that allows me to give to myself. The vehicle to self care is the body. Body follows mind and the vehicle is the body. The body shows me at any given time how I am thinking about myself and life. The body completely and honestly reflects to me my state of mind. This body is my vehicle to questioning my mind. Questioning all the separation that I believe in so dearly.
I can love and set boundaries at the same time. I can love and tell someone no. I can love and decide that a certain behavior does not work for me from myself or from another. I don't have to punish someone because of who they are, how are are, where they are. I can say "no" or "don't" or "do" from a place of honesty, love and acceptance.
My blood sugar was 103 when I woke up this morning. Candida still at a 6, Ph at a 6.0. Tomorrow is weigh in. I feel good. I feel grounded. I feel centered. I actually feel and know my own strength right now.
I am learning to relax. I run on adrenaline most of the time. I'm learning to reverse this as well.
I will continue this lifestyle when I leave here. I have no doubt. I will continue this radical self care. Period.
I will sit with myself until my candida is gone. I will sit with myself until my Ph is 7.0. I don't care how long it takes, I will not abandon myself one more day. I'm in no hurry. This body can take its time to heal. I have ignored it for many many years. It can take its time. I'm in no hurry. I will sit and wait. I have nowhere to go. Where do I have to be other than right here right now? Who do I have to see other than whoever is in front of me? I will sit and be with this body, this mind. I will sit for as long as it takes. I will be just as I am and in love with everything. Except for when I'm not.
I AM WHOLE AND COMPLETE JUST AS I AM. PERIOD. I am whole and complete. With diabetes, without it. With legs and arms, without them. With my uterus, without it. I am whole and complete. I am NOT this body. But I sure as hell am going to take care of it while it's on loan to me.
I am not on a "high". This program has not induced a "high" state for me. I do feel calm though. I do know what love is. Even though I don't always bask in it and live in it, I do know what love is. I am learning to relax, chill out, not live in a constant state of heightened awareness. Hypervigilance. Scanning my environment for danger. I am learning to let things be as they are. This does not mean passivity or resignation. This means get with reality. Stop fighting what's true. Stop suffering. My mind is letting me go.
I do know what love is....
I'm sending it to you right now. xoxo Steph
I can love and set boundaries at the same time. I can love and tell someone no. I can love and decide that a certain behavior does not work for me from myself or from another. I don't have to punish someone because of who they are, how are are, where they are. I can say "no" or "don't" or "do" from a place of honesty, love and acceptance.
My blood sugar was 103 when I woke up this morning. Candida still at a 6, Ph at a 6.0. Tomorrow is weigh in. I feel good. I feel grounded. I feel centered. I actually feel and know my own strength right now.
I am learning to relax. I run on adrenaline most of the time. I'm learning to reverse this as well.
I will continue this lifestyle when I leave here. I have no doubt. I will continue this radical self care. Period.
I will sit with myself until my candida is gone. I will sit with myself until my Ph is 7.0. I don't care how long it takes, I will not abandon myself one more day. I'm in no hurry. This body can take its time to heal. I have ignored it for many many years. It can take its time. I'm in no hurry. I will sit and wait. I have nowhere to go. Where do I have to be other than right here right now? Who do I have to see other than whoever is in front of me? I will sit and be with this body, this mind. I will sit for as long as it takes. I will be just as I am and in love with everything. Except for when I'm not.
I AM WHOLE AND COMPLETE JUST AS I AM. PERIOD. I am whole and complete. With diabetes, without it. With legs and arms, without them. With my uterus, without it. I am whole and complete. I am NOT this body. But I sure as hell am going to take care of it while it's on loan to me.
I am not on a "high". This program has not induced a "high" state for me. I do feel calm though. I do know what love is. Even though I don't always bask in it and live in it, I do know what love is. I am learning to relax, chill out, not live in a constant state of heightened awareness. Hypervigilance. Scanning my environment for danger. I am learning to let things be as they are. This does not mean passivity or resignation. This means get with reality. Stop fighting what's true. Stop suffering. My mind is letting me go.
I do know what love is....
I'm sending it to you right now. xoxo Steph
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