Day One... Dare I say I made it through?
I'm doing a 21 day reverse diabetes progam in Michigan. I will be blogging my experience througout my journey. It will be candid and raw and truthful. And as I've learned by now, truth always changes.
Day One..
3 bowls of energy soup
2 shots of wheatgrass
Lots and lots of water
An orange
wtf?
I was in such a good mood when I woke up this morning. Then suddenly, I wasn't.
The first shot of wheatgrass was okay. I was creating a new relationship with this body that I think is me. "I love you, thank you, I trust you" I said to "it" (the body). Do yo' thang body! I watched myself as I relaxed into the cosmic truth that there is nothing for me to do. This neutral, nothing body knows how to reset itself to homeostasis. It just knows. Since I think I am the doer, I think I must prepare for this. It's kind of like what Ron said today.. As this body grows a baby, do I have to keep my eyes and ears on the process? For nine months am I like "Okay, put the eyes there and make sure the feet go on the bottom of the legs". Come on. So my body knows how to reset itself. I simply have to follow the directions. Easy right? Not.
I am left with this mind. This crazy motha' bleepin' mind. And so here is where my work truly lives over the next few weeks in questioning my mind and all the hellacious suffering thoughts that I believe still. "I'm a bad mother for leaving my son for a month", "I've done it wrong their way is right", "Something is wrong with me", "I can't do this", "I don't deserve this", "I will lose all the people I love if I eat a raw diet", "It's my job to save the world"... and the the mothership of all thoughts.. "My happiness and salvation depends on you." Or the food or my son or my health... I believe it's outside of me still. This is my truth tonight. I believe it's about the food and body. I would like to be more evolved than that, but I am not tonight. It's about the food. And until my mind is in a place where it is awake enough so that it really doesn't matter what I eat.. until that moment arrives, it truly does matter what I eat and it is about the food. And if I could only accept this about myself for one moment, that for me right now, it is about the food, it is indeed about the body.. just for this moment, well then, therein lies my path to God. Therein lies my possibility of an awake mind. Through the very thing that I believe just for tonight is my nemesis, is in fact my path to awakening. For how could I ever see that it is not about the food unless at first it is.
With all of that said, I feel like shit physically. I did 2 enemas today and a wheatgrass implant. And I happen to be tending to a big body .. so finding my a--hole was like playing Where's Waldo? Not pretty. I did it though. They wanted me to do 4 more enemas. Apparently it significantly aids in the detoxification process especially with diabetes and candida. I felt the young girl inside want to earn an A+ and squeeze in (pardon the pun) 4 more enemas in an hour.. and then I noticed I was really stressed out about this. Then I decided not to do this. I skin brushed today and took and epson salt bath and did plenty. I did wonderfully. I slept for 2 hours because I could not keep my eyes open at 3:30 pm .. So I went and took a delicious nap. During my epson salt bath I sobbed and sobbed. I don't really know why, I just know that I had a plethora of tears that came a-knockin' at my heart and when I opened the door I greeted them with open arms. Almost as if they'd been waiting for that very moment. The moment that I stopped ignoring them. The moment that I did not eat but rather welcomed them. Ahhhhhhhh. Sweet sadness. And then it passed and now I'm going to put on my headphones and watch Castle.
Until tomorrow friends. xoxox Love, Steph
Day One..
3 bowls of energy soup
2 shots of wheatgrass
Lots and lots of water
An orange
wtf?
I was in such a good mood when I woke up this morning. Then suddenly, I wasn't.
The first shot of wheatgrass was okay. I was creating a new relationship with this body that I think is me. "I love you, thank you, I trust you" I said to "it" (the body). Do yo' thang body! I watched myself as I relaxed into the cosmic truth that there is nothing for me to do. This neutral, nothing body knows how to reset itself to homeostasis. It just knows. Since I think I am the doer, I think I must prepare for this. It's kind of like what Ron said today.. As this body grows a baby, do I have to keep my eyes and ears on the process? For nine months am I like "Okay, put the eyes there and make sure the feet go on the bottom of the legs". Come on. So my body knows how to reset itself. I simply have to follow the directions. Easy right? Not.
I am left with this mind. This crazy motha' bleepin' mind. And so here is where my work truly lives over the next few weeks in questioning my mind and all the hellacious suffering thoughts that I believe still. "I'm a bad mother for leaving my son for a month", "I've done it wrong their way is right", "Something is wrong with me", "I can't do this", "I don't deserve this", "I will lose all the people I love if I eat a raw diet", "It's my job to save the world"... and the the mothership of all thoughts.. "My happiness and salvation depends on you." Or the food or my son or my health... I believe it's outside of me still. This is my truth tonight. I believe it's about the food and body. I would like to be more evolved than that, but I am not tonight. It's about the food. And until my mind is in a place where it is awake enough so that it really doesn't matter what I eat.. until that moment arrives, it truly does matter what I eat and it is about the food. And if I could only accept this about myself for one moment, that for me right now, it is about the food, it is indeed about the body.. just for this moment, well then, therein lies my path to God. Therein lies my possibility of an awake mind. Through the very thing that I believe just for tonight is my nemesis, is in fact my path to awakening. For how could I ever see that it is not about the food unless at first it is.
With all of that said, I feel like shit physically. I did 2 enemas today and a wheatgrass implant. And I happen to be tending to a big body .. so finding my a--hole was like playing Where's Waldo? Not pretty. I did it though. They wanted me to do 4 more enemas. Apparently it significantly aids in the detoxification process especially with diabetes and candida. I felt the young girl inside want to earn an A+ and squeeze in (pardon the pun) 4 more enemas in an hour.. and then I noticed I was really stressed out about this. Then I decided not to do this. I skin brushed today and took and epson salt bath and did plenty. I did wonderfully. I slept for 2 hours because I could not keep my eyes open at 3:30 pm .. So I went and took a delicious nap. During my epson salt bath I sobbed and sobbed. I don't really know why, I just know that I had a plethora of tears that came a-knockin' at my heart and when I opened the door I greeted them with open arms. Almost as if they'd been waiting for that very moment. The moment that I stopped ignoring them. The moment that I did not eat but rather welcomed them. Ahhhhhhhh. Sweet sadness. And then it passed and now I'm going to put on my headphones and watch Castle.
Until tomorrow friends. xoxox Love, Steph
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