Professional singer
"Steph's a professional singer"
Boasted a proud friend as she introduced me to a woman she was chatting with. It was opening night of the spring musical at my son's high school. Little did I know that the dagger eyes that were about to scope me up and down with a look of disgust was in fact the mother of the female leading role.
I walked up to tell my friend how wonderful her son was as the leading role. She modestly thanked me and quickly turned the attention away to "the woman." It quickly became clear to me that (for lack of a better phrase) the "mother of the bride" was intent on sucking up all the praise of the moment. I understood my friend's dilemma and went with the flow.
"Oh your daughter was great! You must be very proud."
Not even a smile. She turned her head slightly and looked at me through the corner of her eye with a hate that although familiar I had not felt in many years. Me being who I am moved in closer determined to have her like me. For some reason I still become stunned when I meet rude people in this world. Okay okay, I am not saying that I cannot be a raging beeee-atch when the moment seemingly calls for it. With that said, the only thing I was guilty for at that moment was complimenting her daughter. And after the woman reluctantly said "hello" and "thank you" back to me, my friend implented her boast. I could see it all over "the woman's" face. "A professional singer?" as she looked around in an attempt to find the "pro" that she was just informed about. My friend, with her pointer finger, led "the woman's gaze smack dab right at me. Again, I got "the look" from her eye's corner! And that is when the stabbing pain shocked my system inflicted by her harsh and judgmental gaze. Well, at first I thought she was the reason and then I started to inquire.
I mean granted I was unkept last night. My hair thrown up in a messy bouffant, I had my slightly ripped comfy sweater hidden by my black shawl. And okay I was wearing my bright pink Crocs. But could that be it? She was questioning the possibility that I had golden pipes because of the way I was dressed? Maybe I should have worn a little more make up but sheesh I had lip gloss on! Then it hit me, I'm fat. Last night she saw me as an unkept fat person and clearly could not stand this.
I hated her for a second. I gave her "the look" right back and incringed on her personal space just a tiny bit more. As I moved in for the emotional kill she actually turned her head completely away from me. Blatant rejection! She twisted the knife.
I quickly came to my senses and did what I have been in training, for many years now, to do. I ask one out of the several questions that cuts right to the chase "Where am I agreeing with her?"
I examinded my day. I woke up, took my son to school and then off to the races. Little did "the woman" know that I had been going straight through since 6:30 am. Most of the day was spent sitting with human beings in great amounts of suffering. Listening, loving and helping them question their minds back to peace and freedom. I suppose she overlooked the fact that although my son has a good father, I have done my part in raising him, for the past 15 years, all alone. I live far away from my family and it was impossiblt to move back home again due to circumstances that I wouldn't dare bore her with. It was obviously, to her, a mute point that the way I cope sometimes when I feel overwhelmed or scared or tired is to stuff my face silly - with food. Have I gotten better at it? Sure, but it's a battle most of the time. I was too tired to look better. I am still not very good at taking care of myself before taking care of the world. Her look reminded me that this is not a noble habit, I am not proud of it, but none-the-less it is still sometimes my reality. It was now 10:30 pm and I was fantasizing about falling into my bed but before doing so I needed to pull the knife out of my heart so that it did not go any deeper into my chest when I fell into sleep.
Boasted a proud friend as she introduced me to a woman she was chatting with. It was opening night of the spring musical at my son's high school. Little did I know that the dagger eyes that were about to scope me up and down with a look of disgust was in fact the mother of the female leading role.
I walked up to tell my friend how wonderful her son was as the leading role. She modestly thanked me and quickly turned the attention away to "the woman." It quickly became clear to me that (for lack of a better phrase) the "mother of the bride" was intent on sucking up all the praise of the moment. I understood my friend's dilemma and went with the flow.
"Oh your daughter was great! You must be very proud."
Not even a smile. She turned her head slightly and looked at me through the corner of her eye with a hate that although familiar I had not felt in many years. Me being who I am moved in closer determined to have her like me. For some reason I still become stunned when I meet rude people in this world. Okay okay, I am not saying that I cannot be a raging beeee-atch when the moment seemingly calls for it. With that said, the only thing I was guilty for at that moment was complimenting her daughter. And after the woman reluctantly said "hello" and "thank you" back to me, my friend implented her boast. I could see it all over "the woman's" face. "A professional singer?" as she looked around in an attempt to find the "pro" that she was just informed about. My friend, with her pointer finger, led "the woman's gaze smack dab right at me. Again, I got "the look" from her eye's corner! And that is when the stabbing pain shocked my system inflicted by her harsh and judgmental gaze. Well, at first I thought she was the reason and then I started to inquire.
I mean granted I was unkept last night. My hair thrown up in a messy bouffant, I had my slightly ripped comfy sweater hidden by my black shawl. And okay I was wearing my bright pink Crocs. But could that be it? She was questioning the possibility that I had golden pipes because of the way I was dressed? Maybe I should have worn a little more make up but sheesh I had lip gloss on! Then it hit me, I'm fat. Last night she saw me as an unkept fat person and clearly could not stand this.
I hated her for a second. I gave her "the look" right back and incringed on her personal space just a tiny bit more. As I moved in for the emotional kill she actually turned her head completely away from me. Blatant rejection! She twisted the knife.
I quickly came to my senses and did what I have been in training, for many years now, to do. I ask one out of the several questions that cuts right to the chase "Where am I agreeing with her?"
I examinded my day. I woke up, took my son to school and then off to the races. Little did "the woman" know that I had been going straight through since 6:30 am. Most of the day was spent sitting with human beings in great amounts of suffering. Listening, loving and helping them question their minds back to peace and freedom. I suppose she overlooked the fact that although my son has a good father, I have done my part in raising him, for the past 15 years, all alone. I live far away from my family and it was impossiblt to move back home again due to circumstances that I wouldn't dare bore her with. It was obviously, to her, a mute point that the way I cope sometimes when I feel overwhelmed or scared or tired is to stuff my face silly - with food. Have I gotten better at it? Sure, but it's a battle most of the time. I was too tired to look better. I am still not very good at taking care of myself before taking care of the world. Her look reminded me that this is not a noble habit, I am not proud of it, but none-the-less it is still sometimes my reality. It was now 10:30 pm and I was fantasizing about falling into my bed but before doing so I needed to pull the knife out of my heart so that it did not go any deeper into my chest when I fell into sleep.
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