"The Voice"
Hello imaginary friends.. I'm back! I ran into some glitches with my blog page, sorry I was gone for so long. It seems to be working again.
Left to my own devices I will take myself down. If this ego of mine is left unattended without my higher source - who I call God - look out world, and when I go down, guess who I love to take with me? That's right.. whoever's in front of me. I must be diligent. I have come to realize I do not have much control over my thoughts.. thoughts happen to me on this trip. I do have control over questioning the thoughts that happen to me. I have control over asking my SELF on a daily basis "Is it true?". When I am visiting with an enemy in my mind that I have holed up in a ditch with an oozie pointed at them because they have offended me, I can say "Steph, is it true that they think your ugly?" "Steph, is it true that you will never amount to anything?" "Steph, is it true that you need a cheeseburger right now?" And so on....
I just got off the phone with my friend Billy. It was so good to talk with him this morning. It was nice to be able to say what was on my mind. I don't usually start my day off like this. I am too busy getting my son ready to go off to school. Breakfast, make sure he's dressed, make sure his teeth are brushed, make sure he has his backpack, lunch, sneakers, clean underwear. Have you eaten your grapes? Did you make your bed? AAAAHHHHHHH ... Calgon take me away! When did I get lost in responsibility? When did I forget to have fun? Just last night Jonah asked me to play the game Clue with him. And we did and it was fun. However; I had to "make" myself say yes. He gets alot of yes's from me, but they are usually forced especially when they have to do with playing a game and having fun!! How obsurd is that? Apparantly wondering how I will pay my electric bill has become more entertaining than Milton Bradley. Obsessing about how I will manage to work, food shop and excercise before I pick Jonah up from the bus has taken precedence over figuring out if it was Miss Scarlet with the knife in the billiard room. And what is so bizzaree about the whole deal is this... Did you ever notice that when something is on your mind you just sit there? And that's the only reason you don't want to play a game and connect with a loved one. To sit there. It's like you treasure those fifteen minutes to sit and obsess. Feet up, no interuptions, now.. ready ... set ... THINK. And for what? What is the payoff? To sit, judge and obsess about the past or future.. anything to get out of the moment .. ego. Or.. - THE IDENTIFIED MINDS' UNDERSTANDING OF CONNECTION - My friend Tom helped me to see this and nothing ever felt so true.
I do not do anything in this life without a payoff. Even the so called "selfless" acts are selfish. And it's okay.
I help you, I get to feel good. I give you something, I get to feel generous. I hug you, I get an endorphin rush of wonderful feelings... etc. Sokay... but let's face it ... payoffs is where it's at. So now that the food is put down, now that I don't have to think about what's for lunch... my mind has gone other places. Bring it on!! I'm ready.
The premiere of this season's Oprah Winfrey Show aired this week. She interviewed Whitney Houston. I recorded it because I was anxious to watch. She called Whitney "The Voice".. Whitney got to speak of her new place in life. She has bravely overcome drug addiction. Left an abusive relationship, kept her child in tact and really cleaned up her act in an outstanding way. I was left wondering however; why does Whitney get a standing ovation for turning her life around and I don't? Why does a celebrity get a nice pat on the ass while the layman is just expected to do it without any kudos? It doesn't make sense?
Now, I love Oprah. She is a media Goddess who has utilized her position in life to create and encourage many positive changes in this world of ours. She's amazing. Albeit human. And my ego loves to jump on Oprah's boat. My ego loves to agree with her highlighting that Whitney Houston is "The Voice". It loves to agree with Oprah that weight defines who you are (This past year Oprah publicly apologized for reaching 200 lbs. again.. what??? Apologize.... hello??) I loved watching the perfectly put together Whitney Houston as she spoke. I hardly heard a word she said, I (my ego) was too busy beating on myself for not being as beautiful as her. I had temporarily forgotten that she had several people work on her hair and make up (Not to take away from her natural beauty, but come on!) I just found myself feeling bad as I watched. I'm glad Whitney's back but you know what? I'm glad I'm back too. And I don't get a camera crew to witness the trials I've overcome just like you don't. Sooooo ... what did I get from this? Well, I woke up this morning and gave myeslf a standing ovation!!! I turned to Katie who is interested in undoing the mind and turned away from Oprah's interview which was focussed on sensationalizing a superstar. And I clapped for myself. And I clapped for all of you. Every single one of you, because I am sure you have overcome an obstacle or two. No matter how trivial you think it may have been, an obstacle is an obstacle and I need to clap for me. When I expect you to do it, I am let down, but when I do it for myself I am always surprised and then I become open to when you do it too.
I know... I know.. yeah .. yeah.. Whitney deserved her moment. I mean.. hell,when if I'm ever on the Oprah Winfrey Show, you can bet your bippy I'll take my moment like white takes to rice! As I said previously and will reiterate, I love Whitney Houston and I love Oprah Winfrey. It's just that I also love me. And in my world, I am "The Voice". Because this is "The Voice" that either takes me down or turns to God and lifts me up. This is "The Voice" of either hell or salvation. Mine is "The Voice" that wakes me up each morning and lays me down to sleep eaach night. This is "The Voice" that my son is still listening too. "The Voice that my friends love to hear sing." "The Voice" in my mind is the only one that leads me back to God and therefore myself. So, although Whitney's path inspired me to hear, what I got from that interview is my own "The Voice". And I hope you are listening to your own "The Voice".. Because I promise you, you are "The Voice" too... in your world.
Now ... back to Whitney's voice for just a moment. And the part of the interview that was completely inspiring and authentic. She sang a song "I Didn't Know My Own Strength". And I remembered why she was Whitney Houston. I heard her "The Voice". And she shared her gift and sang a song that all of us could use to hear. It is worth having a listen to if you have the time to go out and get it.
Here it is:
I Didn't Know My Own Strength - Whitney Houston - (Songwriter - Diane Warren)
Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go
Lost sight of my dream,
Thought it would be the end of me
I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to,
I thought I would break
I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength
Found hope in my heart,
I found the light to life
My way out the dark
Found all that I need
Here inside of me
I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break
I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength
There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take
I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength.
So for all of you reading... Just maybe you were not meant to break and just maybe you don't know your own strength. And just maybe you are "The Voice". And as Katie would say "I'd drop the maybe".
Yours in spirit..
Steph
Left to my own devices I will take myself down. If this ego of mine is left unattended without my higher source - who I call God - look out world, and when I go down, guess who I love to take with me? That's right.. whoever's in front of me. I must be diligent. I have come to realize I do not have much control over my thoughts.. thoughts happen to me on this trip. I do have control over questioning the thoughts that happen to me. I have control over asking my SELF on a daily basis "Is it true?". When I am visiting with an enemy in my mind that I have holed up in a ditch with an oozie pointed at them because they have offended me, I can say "Steph, is it true that they think your ugly?" "Steph, is it true that you will never amount to anything?" "Steph, is it true that you need a cheeseburger right now?" And so on....
I just got off the phone with my friend Billy. It was so good to talk with him this morning. It was nice to be able to say what was on my mind. I don't usually start my day off like this. I am too busy getting my son ready to go off to school. Breakfast, make sure he's dressed, make sure his teeth are brushed, make sure he has his backpack, lunch, sneakers, clean underwear. Have you eaten your grapes? Did you make your bed? AAAAHHHHHHH ... Calgon take me away! When did I get lost in responsibility? When did I forget to have fun? Just last night Jonah asked me to play the game Clue with him. And we did and it was fun. However; I had to "make" myself say yes. He gets alot of yes's from me, but they are usually forced especially when they have to do with playing a game and having fun!! How obsurd is that? Apparantly wondering how I will pay my electric bill has become more entertaining than Milton Bradley. Obsessing about how I will manage to work, food shop and excercise before I pick Jonah up from the bus has taken precedence over figuring out if it was Miss Scarlet with the knife in the billiard room. And what is so bizzaree about the whole deal is this... Did you ever notice that when something is on your mind you just sit there? And that's the only reason you don't want to play a game and connect with a loved one. To sit there. It's like you treasure those fifteen minutes to sit and obsess. Feet up, no interuptions, now.. ready ... set ... THINK. And for what? What is the payoff? To sit, judge and obsess about the past or future.. anything to get out of the moment .. ego. Or.. - THE IDENTIFIED MINDS' UNDERSTANDING OF CONNECTION - My friend Tom helped me to see this and nothing ever felt so true.
I do not do anything in this life without a payoff. Even the so called "selfless" acts are selfish. And it's okay.
I help you, I get to feel good. I give you something, I get to feel generous. I hug you, I get an endorphin rush of wonderful feelings... etc. Sokay... but let's face it ... payoffs is where it's at. So now that the food is put down, now that I don't have to think about what's for lunch... my mind has gone other places. Bring it on!! I'm ready.
The premiere of this season's Oprah Winfrey Show aired this week. She interviewed Whitney Houston. I recorded it because I was anxious to watch. She called Whitney "The Voice".. Whitney got to speak of her new place in life. She has bravely overcome drug addiction. Left an abusive relationship, kept her child in tact and really cleaned up her act in an outstanding way. I was left wondering however; why does Whitney get a standing ovation for turning her life around and I don't? Why does a celebrity get a nice pat on the ass while the layman is just expected to do it without any kudos? It doesn't make sense?
Now, I love Oprah. She is a media Goddess who has utilized her position in life to create and encourage many positive changes in this world of ours. She's amazing. Albeit human. And my ego loves to jump on Oprah's boat. My ego loves to agree with her highlighting that Whitney Houston is "The Voice". It loves to agree with Oprah that weight defines who you are (This past year Oprah publicly apologized for reaching 200 lbs. again.. what??? Apologize.... hello??) I loved watching the perfectly put together Whitney Houston as she spoke. I hardly heard a word she said, I (my ego) was too busy beating on myself for not being as beautiful as her. I had temporarily forgotten that she had several people work on her hair and make up (Not to take away from her natural beauty, but come on!) I just found myself feeling bad as I watched. I'm glad Whitney's back but you know what? I'm glad I'm back too. And I don't get a camera crew to witness the trials I've overcome just like you don't. Sooooo ... what did I get from this? Well, I woke up this morning and gave myeslf a standing ovation!!! I turned to Katie who is interested in undoing the mind and turned away from Oprah's interview which was focussed on sensationalizing a superstar. And I clapped for myself. And I clapped for all of you. Every single one of you, because I am sure you have overcome an obstacle or two. No matter how trivial you think it may have been, an obstacle is an obstacle and I need to clap for me. When I expect you to do it, I am let down, but when I do it for myself I am always surprised and then I become open to when you do it too.
I know... I know.. yeah .. yeah.. Whitney deserved her moment. I mean.. hell,
Now ... back to Whitney's voice for just a moment. And the part of the interview that was completely inspiring and authentic. She sang a song "I Didn't Know My Own Strength". And I remembered why she was Whitney Houston. I heard her "The Voice". And she shared her gift and sang a song that all of us could use to hear. It is worth having a listen to if you have the time to go out and get it.
Here it is:
I Didn't Know My Own Strength - Whitney Houston - (Songwriter - Diane Warren)
Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go
Lost sight of my dream,
Thought it would be the end of me
I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to,
I thought I would break
I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength
Found hope in my heart,
I found the light to life
My way out the dark
Found all that I need
Here inside of me
I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break
I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength
There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take
I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength.
So for all of you reading... Just maybe you were not meant to break and just maybe you don't know your own strength. And just maybe you are "The Voice". And as Katie would say "I'd drop the maybe".
Yours in spirit..
Steph
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