Day 2 - Catch ya' on the rebound....
If last week anyone ever said to me "uh by the way Steph at 6:30 am next Wednesday May 12th you will be out of bed ferociously jumping on a rebounder (mini-trampolline)" I would stopped breathing from the amount of laughter that hurled out of me while I was rolling on the floor holding my gut. No joke. And yet, here I was doing this very thing. I had my first lesson of the day.. "Life is what's happening while I'm making plans".
As I felt the ripple effect of my belly hitting my upper thighs while jumping on this rebounder, I was looking for Bobby. He's our leader this week. What a beautiful soul this man is, so loving and committed to this journey of healing the very sick bodies, sometimes life threatening, that seek him out. Where is Bobby? This is what my virgoan, rigid mind was chanting "where's Bobby? Where's Bobby"? I hadn't noticed that this body was jumping up and down with a big smile on it's face while canoodling with Kool and the Gang's "Get Down Tonight". As I watched Nancy and Roseanne leaping to their freedom and Glenda cleary reaquainting herself with her delightful long lost rhythm, now returning. I saw Toni's little white gleeful legs and Mario's massive body as it shook the heaven's above.. all of us in sinc and boogying on our rebounders to "How you gonna boogie if you really just wanna dance, by standing on the wall? Get your back up off the wall!".... and my mind is still going "Where the hell is bobby?? It's been 10 minutes.. isn't he going to lead us in a rebounding routine?? Where is he"?????? Then it dawned on me. There's no routine. The routine is, get on your rebounder and start jumping and moving to Kool and the Gang. Period. That's it, just jump. And it was then that I realized that even in the face of my strong resistance to no leader, I was already jumping. I was already doing it. I was smiling and watching everyone and it took everything inside of me to not jump out of my skin and scream HOLY SHIT I CAN TOUCH THE STARS!!! WATCH HOW HIGH I JUMP, I AM BEING HUGGED BY THE MOON!!!! I was loving this. My body was already doing it. And I hadn't noticed because my mind was trying to control the situation. My mind thought it knew best, so it was trying to control everything. And this had me not notice that life was already perfect. Already happening. I already had joy and love and wholeness and friends and healing. It was all there in a moment.
There is the secret. The one that I always so desperately want to see, hear, experience. Life is happening. It's already happening. This body is on autopilot. I am not the doer afterall. And even as I write this, I can see that you are getting the best part of me right now. Because the one who is writing this is not even me. The one who writes this is you and you and you.. the one who write this is not seperate. This one knows all is well right now. Right now. There is no other moment. This writer is you and you are this writer.
Now with all that said, I have to go and stick a long hose up my butt. Because the one who knows is sometimes overshadowed by this fowl mouthed, crassy redheaded, she thinks she knows everything pistol. And this brassy broad ain't feeling so great right now. I have rosacea.. I look like I have a 2nd degree sunburn. "It's your body detoxing".. okay. I feel okay, but i look like the Solarcain kid in those commercials years ago.. remember her? that's my face right now. Detox Detox Detox.
Bobby asked me today if I'd ever had chemo. That's how imbalanced my system is. I have the system of someone who has gone through radiation and chemotherapy. He told me i would be turned around in the 20 days I am here. He said I will not reckognize myself. I told him it was odd that my immune system is so compromised right now and I rarely get sick. I don't get colds that often. And even though I'm tired alot with diabetes, I'm pretty good. I said.. "How does this make sense bobby? If I feel so good and present with people but my body is not all that right now. He said.. "That's why you are here Steph.. you are here to learn that your spirit is much much bigger than your body. Your spirit is "Trumping" your body and your body will follow soon"... Wow. I'll say it backwards... wow.
I get to see this. How lucky am I. I get to see that I am not this body after all. Although right now I think i am. Right now I adamantly believe it is in fact about the food and body.
Well, just maybe I'm on my way to going beyond body awareness. Beyond believing I am this body. Maybe I am starting to see the power of the mind and consciousness. Maybe this is the next natural step to the mind work I've done. Maybe. And to quote one of the great loves of my life Byron Katie "I'd drop the maybe"....
I'll write more tonight.
Love you all so deeply. xoxo Steph
As I felt the ripple effect of my belly hitting my upper thighs while jumping on this rebounder, I was looking for Bobby. He's our leader this week. What a beautiful soul this man is, so loving and committed to this journey of healing the very sick bodies, sometimes life threatening, that seek him out. Where is Bobby? This is what my virgoan, rigid mind was chanting "where's Bobby? Where's Bobby"? I hadn't noticed that this body was jumping up and down with a big smile on it's face while canoodling with Kool and the Gang's "Get Down Tonight". As I watched Nancy and Roseanne leaping to their freedom and Glenda cleary reaquainting herself with her delightful long lost rhythm, now returning. I saw Toni's little white gleeful legs and Mario's massive body as it shook the heaven's above.. all of us in sinc and boogying on our rebounders to "How you gonna boogie if you really just wanna dance, by standing on the wall? Get your back up off the wall!".... and my mind is still going "Where the hell is bobby?? It's been 10 minutes.. isn't he going to lead us in a rebounding routine?? Where is he"?????? Then it dawned on me. There's no routine. The routine is, get on your rebounder and start jumping and moving to Kool and the Gang. Period. That's it, just jump. And it was then that I realized that even in the face of my strong resistance to no leader, I was already jumping. I was already doing it. I was smiling and watching everyone and it took everything inside of me to not jump out of my skin and scream HOLY SHIT I CAN TOUCH THE STARS!!! WATCH HOW HIGH I JUMP, I AM BEING HUGGED BY THE MOON!!!! I was loving this. My body was already doing it. And I hadn't noticed because my mind was trying to control the situation. My mind thought it knew best, so it was trying to control everything. And this had me not notice that life was already perfect. Already happening. I already had joy and love and wholeness and friends and healing. It was all there in a moment.
There is the secret. The one that I always so desperately want to see, hear, experience. Life is happening. It's already happening. This body is on autopilot. I am not the doer afterall. And even as I write this, I can see that you are getting the best part of me right now. Because the one who is writing this is not even me. The one who writes this is you and you and you.. the one who write this is not seperate. This one knows all is well right now. Right now. There is no other moment. This writer is you and you are this writer.
Now with all that said, I have to go and stick a long hose up my butt. Because the one who knows is sometimes overshadowed by this fowl mouthed, crassy redheaded, she thinks she knows everything pistol. And this brassy broad ain't feeling so great right now. I have rosacea.. I look like I have a 2nd degree sunburn. "It's your body detoxing".. okay. I feel okay, but i look like the Solarcain kid in those commercials years ago.. remember her? that's my face right now. Detox Detox Detox.
Bobby asked me today if I'd ever had chemo. That's how imbalanced my system is. I have the system of someone who has gone through radiation and chemotherapy. He told me i would be turned around in the 20 days I am here. He said I will not reckognize myself. I told him it was odd that my immune system is so compromised right now and I rarely get sick. I don't get colds that often. And even though I'm tired alot with diabetes, I'm pretty good. I said.. "How does this make sense bobby? If I feel so good and present with people but my body is not all that right now. He said.. "That's why you are here Steph.. you are here to learn that your spirit is much much bigger than your body. Your spirit is "Trumping" your body and your body will follow soon"... Wow. I'll say it backwards... wow.
I get to see this. How lucky am I. I get to see that I am not this body after all. Although right now I think i am. Right now I adamantly believe it is in fact about the food and body.
Well, just maybe I'm on my way to going beyond body awareness. Beyond believing I am this body. Maybe I am starting to see the power of the mind and consciousness. Maybe this is the next natural step to the mind work I've done. Maybe. And to quote one of the great loves of my life Byron Katie "I'd drop the maybe"....
I'll write more tonight.
Love you all so deeply. xoxo Steph
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