Day 20...
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Day 20....
Last night here at CHI in Michigan. A bit melancholy mixed with some nerves about taking my program home. Mostly filled with gratitude and excitement.
I did a concert here last night for all the people here. I did one the 6th night I was here and it was a hit. So much of a hit that I was asked to do one again. I must say both nights were amazing and lots of people showed for both. It was wonderful to watch the faces of these precious beings as they identified with my writing. I loved knowing it was a break in their day and possibly their life to be soothed by my voice. I felt purposeful. And I also noticed as I was up there singing my brains out how much I LOVE doing just that. Singing my brains out. I love singing. God do I love singing. I love singing. I love being up there with lots of people in front of me singing my very heart out to each and every one of them. I did these concerts because I love what I do. I love singing. They all gave back to me without my knowing. Because I sang they all chipped in money and sent me off with travel money plus a little extra. They all signed this amazing card and put the money in it. They were very moved by my music. They paid for my trip home! And they packed me a very nutritious care package for the road as well. They are so generous here. I have learned that God/Life/Love -whatever name you fancy- really does take care of me when I step out of the way. Really.
A very funny (not in the ha ha kind of way) mind story... So I sang for a couple of people on the 7th night too. One woman was in the front singing at the top of her lungs with me!! Any of you who know me know how much I love when people do that... cough cough. And then she kept coaching me in how to sing and play the guitar and also coaching this guy that was sitting in for a couple of tunes with me. She also kept hollering out requests and I told her I didn't take requests and she kept hollering them out anyways! Well, needless to say I got annoyed. So I said I would do one more song on my own because my friend Glenda had asked me to and then I would call it a night. I sang a song I wrote called "Forgive Yourself" (Irony?). Low and behold I get out about a verse or so and she gets up and walks out. I was sure she was being a beeaatch. I had all kinds of stories going thru my head... "she didn't get her way", "who the hell does she think she is", "What a passive aggressive mofo.." you get the point. Well... last night at my concert she is there and she raises her hand and says "I have a request"... I couldn't believe it. I said "fine but it has to be something I know".. she said "I know.. it's a song you wrote that broke me... you were singing it the other night and it was so beautiful it broke me... it's called "Forgive yourself"... HOLY CRAPOLI... She did not dislike me at all. She left the room that night because she broke down crying. My song moved her. She was an emotional wreck and something about my song broke her heart open. Wow. My mind lies all the time. It just makes up things over and over again and I believe it. I friggin' believe it. Well... if it wasn't true that she hated me and my songs... then maybe it's not true that I'm not enough and that I have no value and that I am a failure and that I'm a bad mother ... etc. etc.. I mean clearly I don't always think these things... but they do rear their ugly little heads in my mind now and again. And they are made up stories that I believe like a religion. She was moved by my song. Wow.
Get a load of this.. blood sugar this morning.. 94...yup you read that right. ;). I am living walking proof that diabetes is reversible. 94.
I am on the road tomorrow for 12 hours. I will be home continuing my program until this coming Thursday. I will keep you posted this week..
Love and hugs.. xoxo Steph
Day 20....
Last night here at CHI in Michigan. A bit melancholy mixed with some nerves about taking my program home. Mostly filled with gratitude and excitement.
I did a concert here last night for all the people here. I did one the 6th night I was here and it was a hit. So much of a hit that I was asked to do one again. I must say both nights were amazing and lots of people showed for both. It was wonderful to watch the faces of these precious beings as they identified with my writing. I loved knowing it was a break in their day and possibly their life to be soothed by my voice. I felt purposeful. And I also noticed as I was up there singing my brains out how much I LOVE doing just that. Singing my brains out. I love singing. God do I love singing. I love singing. I love being up there with lots of people in front of me singing my very heart out to each and every one of them. I did these concerts because I love what I do. I love singing. They all gave back to me without my knowing. Because I sang they all chipped in money and sent me off with travel money plus a little extra. They all signed this amazing card and put the money in it. They were very moved by my music. They paid for my trip home! And they packed me a very nutritious care package for the road as well. They are so generous here. I have learned that God/Life/Love -whatever name you fancy- really does take care of me when I step out of the way. Really.
A very funny (not in the ha ha kind of way) mind story... So I sang for a couple of people on the 7th night too. One woman was in the front singing at the top of her lungs with me!! Any of you who know me know how much I love when people do that... cough cough. And then she kept coaching me in how to sing and play the guitar and also coaching this guy that was sitting in for a couple of tunes with me. She also kept hollering out requests and I told her I didn't take requests and she kept hollering them out anyways! Well, needless to say I got annoyed. So I said I would do one more song on my own because my friend Glenda had asked me to and then I would call it a night. I sang a song I wrote called "Forgive Yourself" (Irony?). Low and behold I get out about a verse or so and she gets up and walks out. I was sure she was being a beeaatch. I had all kinds of stories going thru my head... "she didn't get her way", "who the hell does she think she is", "What a passive aggressive mofo.." you get the point. Well... last night at my concert she is there and she raises her hand and says "I have a request"... I couldn't believe it. I said "fine but it has to be something I know".. she said "I know.. it's a song you wrote that broke me... you were singing it the other night and it was so beautiful it broke me... it's called "Forgive yourself"... HOLY CRAPOLI... She did not dislike me at all. She left the room that night because she broke down crying. My song moved her. She was an emotional wreck and something about my song broke her heart open. Wow. My mind lies all the time. It just makes up things over and over again and I believe it. I friggin' believe it. Well... if it wasn't true that she hated me and my songs... then maybe it's not true that I'm not enough and that I have no value and that I am a failure and that I'm a bad mother ... etc. etc.. I mean clearly I don't always think these things... but they do rear their ugly little heads in my mind now and again. And they are made up stories that I believe like a religion. She was moved by my song. Wow.
Get a load of this.. blood sugar this morning.. 94...yup you read that right. ;). I am living walking proof that diabetes is reversible. 94.
I am on the road tomorrow for 12 hours. I will be home continuing my program until this coming Thursday. I will keep you posted this week..
Love and hugs.. xoxo Steph
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