You Move Me..
I eat and eat and addiction kicks in until I allow something or someone in life to move me. I stifle these feelings and harbor resentment and ponder the "what if's" of my youth until I surrender to being moved to tears.
I got back on track finally. I told you I was done and I meant it. I followed my heart and the cues of this body and took stellar care of myself today in the food department. I drank my green smoothies, ate my veggies and protein and had my shakes with blueberries. I took my vitamins, moved my body and gave and received love. I spoke with my son and most importantly gave myself a day of rest and relaxation. And then I decided to watch television.
What did Yours Truly land on? "Man vs. Food".. hello? And I stayed and I watched Adam embark on a HUMUNGOUS Sunday. For anyone who has never watched this gluttonous T.V. show (which I happen to LOVE), it is about a man, I would say in his late twenties/early thirties, who travels the country and takes on various competitive food challenges. For instance he tries to eat the biggest burrito to have ever been made on planet earth in under an hour and things of this nature. Tonight.. it was a whopper of a Sunday. Several people (including big, fit, men with good apetites) were asked if they could finish this Sunday (I believe it had 10 or 12 softball size scoops, and all the toppings you can imagine) and virtually everyone said no! And as I sat in my blue reclyiner, drinking my green smoothie, alone in my home on this lovely Saturday I chuckled to myself because I am sure as the sun will rise tomorrow that I could down that mofo in 30 minutes or less. As a matter of fact, the ice cream bug bit me after landing on this baby. I wanted a Sunday soooo baaaaddd... And I was in it! I came up with every excuse in my mind to go to Friendly's and get a whomping Recees Pieces mammoth Sunday.. the five scooop not the 3.. I don't mess around. And I justified and had conversations with myself and knew I could even lie on this blog tonight if I caved!!!! And guess what? .. it passed. This stabbing pain that strongly resembled the one we have all experienced in our upper left chest area turned out to be gas tonight.. not a heart attack. Phew.
After I allowed myself to turn aawwwaayyy from Adam the gluttonous man eating dynamo I landed on "Dance Your Ass Off". And I cried. This is a reality show that is a mix between Dancing with the Stars and The Biggest Loser. People compete to lose weight as well as compete in dance routines. I HAVE to audition for that show. I'm going to. It's my niche. I can dance til' the cows come home (pardon the pun). I use to teach tap and jazz and then I stopped and one day I got fat and just recently I've started to dance again. The people on this show are amazing. Real, charasmatic, wonderful people. I don't like how they make weight wrong on this show, however; I do like watching people come alive and start to believe in themselves once again. One of the contestants got a surprise visit from her father who she hadn't seen in several weeks and she jumped in his arms screaming "Daaaaddddyyyyy!!!!" I sobbed. It made me miss my own Dad who died when I was 15. I cried and thought about my youth and my life and cried some more and allowed myself to be moved and miss my own Daddy. Suddenly I didn't want ice cream anymore. I remembered that I have a life. It's not over for me yet no matter what anybody says. I got moved and I stopped wanting to eat the ice cream. I cried and it felt so good. And I knew everything was okay again. And then.. I turned the channel and landed on ROCKY III.. woohoo!! Sly was so young and beautiful in this movie. And Adrianne rocks!! It brought me back to 1982.. I was a sophomore in high school and I had such dreams to live into. I was moved again. I remembered who I was, who I am. I remembered that I cannot even begin to describe in words who I am. It's impossible. I am not this body, or this apartment, or this red hair. I am not my Honda Element. I am not a singer or a dancer or a writer. It is impossible to embody the magnitude of the truth of who I am, who we are. So I won't try. I stopped trying to identify with something, I got moved and now I'm going to bed. Well, I might watch Saturday Night Live first.. Ben Affleck is hosting and he was mine until Jennifer Garner took him so I may need to take a peek at my ex.
More green smoothies tomorrow. Same recipe. I'll dance tomorrow. And I will continue to add more raw yummy healthy foods to my diet. So grateful to write this tonight.
Lots of Love.. Steph
I got back on track finally. I told you I was done and I meant it. I followed my heart and the cues of this body and took stellar care of myself today in the food department. I drank my green smoothies, ate my veggies and protein and had my shakes with blueberries. I took my vitamins, moved my body and gave and received love. I spoke with my son and most importantly gave myself a day of rest and relaxation. And then I decided to watch television.
What did Yours Truly land on? "Man vs. Food".. hello? And I stayed and I watched Adam embark on a HUMUNGOUS Sunday. For anyone who has never watched this gluttonous T.V. show (which I happen to LOVE), it is about a man, I would say in his late twenties/early thirties, who travels the country and takes on various competitive food challenges. For instance he tries to eat the biggest burrito to have ever been made on planet earth in under an hour and things of this nature. Tonight.. it was a whopper of a Sunday. Several people (including big, fit, men with good apetites) were asked if they could finish this Sunday (I believe it had 10 or 12 softball size scoops, and all the toppings you can imagine) and virtually everyone said no! And as I sat in my blue reclyiner, drinking my green smoothie, alone in my home on this lovely Saturday I chuckled to myself because I am sure as the sun will rise tomorrow that I could down that mofo in 30 minutes or less. As a matter of fact, the ice cream bug bit me after landing on this baby. I wanted a Sunday soooo baaaaddd... And I was in it! I came up with every excuse in my mind to go to Friendly's and get a whomping Recees Pieces mammoth Sunday.. the five scooop not the 3.. I don't mess around. And I justified and had conversations with myself and knew I could even lie on this blog tonight if I caved!!!! And guess what? .. it passed. This stabbing pain that strongly resembled the one we have all experienced in our upper left chest area turned out to be gas tonight.. not a heart attack. Phew.
After I allowed myself to turn aawwwaayyy from Adam the gluttonous man eating dynamo I landed on "Dance Your Ass Off". And I cried. This is a reality show that is a mix between Dancing with the Stars and The Biggest Loser. People compete to lose weight as well as compete in dance routines. I HAVE to audition for that show. I'm going to. It's my niche. I can dance til' the cows come home (pardon the pun). I use to teach tap and jazz and then I stopped and one day I got fat and just recently I've started to dance again. The people on this show are amazing. Real, charasmatic, wonderful people. I don't like how they make weight wrong on this show, however; I do like watching people come alive and start to believe in themselves once again. One of the contestants got a surprise visit from her father who she hadn't seen in several weeks and she jumped in his arms screaming "Daaaaddddyyyyy!!!!" I sobbed. It made me miss my own Dad who died when I was 15. I cried and thought about my youth and my life and cried some more and allowed myself to be moved and miss my own Daddy. Suddenly I didn't want ice cream anymore. I remembered that I have a life. It's not over for me yet no matter what anybody says. I got moved and I stopped wanting to eat the ice cream. I cried and it felt so good. And I knew everything was okay again. And then.. I turned the channel and landed on ROCKY III.. woohoo!! Sly was so young and beautiful in this movie. And Adrianne rocks!! It brought me back to 1982.. I was a sophomore in high school and I had such dreams to live into. I was moved again. I remembered who I was, who I am. I remembered that I cannot even begin to describe in words who I am. It's impossible. I am not this body, or this apartment, or this red hair. I am not my Honda Element. I am not a singer or a dancer or a writer. It is impossible to embody the magnitude of the truth of who I am, who we are. So I won't try. I stopped trying to identify with something, I got moved and now I'm going to bed. Well, I might watch Saturday Night Live first.. Ben Affleck is hosting and he was mine until Jennifer Garner took him so I may need to take a peek at my ex.
More green smoothies tomorrow. Same recipe. I'll dance tomorrow. And I will continue to add more raw yummy healthy foods to my diet. So grateful to write this tonight.
Lots of Love.. Steph
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